The College Kid- A Short Story

I

College can be both fearful and an exciting experience for most of those who attend. The buildings become a hodgepodge of different cultures, religions, backgrounds, and identities. The concrete walkways act as a bridge in which these differences mesh as students relate to one another.

For Jack, this was a new place with new opportunities. He walked across the grassy knoll as a freshman, a new member of what his parents would have called a very prestigious place. Being the first member in the Dunhurst family to attend college, each of the passing days since the letter of acceptance had come had been filled with calls of congratulations from distant family members.

The day had come when he would leave for school, his parents had helped to move him into his dormitory and from there, left him to his own devices. For the rest of the day, he attended to preparation for his new courses. He had collected his books and set them in order upon his desk. He made up his bed and having finished in his room, he sought to explore this new place.

Having a paper copy of the classes he would take for the next fifteen weeks; he devoted the next hour to discovering the location of each classroom that he would have to sit in the following morning. Having seen the campus and acknowledging the undeniable beauty of the place that his parents had only seen briefly, Jack headed back to his room to settle in for the incoming evening.

Finding the door open, Jack walked into his room, finding another young man stacking his own books on his desk. Jack was aware that he would have a roommate but had no idea when he would arrive.

Having introduced himself, Jack found himself living with Aiden, an 18-year-old who had grown up not too far from the state school.

“So, have you decided what you are going to school for?” Jack asked.

Aiden replied excitedly, “Yeah man! I already know my plans. I am looking at a communications degree and want to work in a department in some corporation or chain or something like that. I’m not ready for four years of school, I just want to get my degree and start work.”

Jack suddenly felt frustrated and confused about his state of frustration. Aiden had everything figured out. Aiden knew what he was going to do with his life.

“I get that. I actually don’t mind homework or having something to do. It gives me something to fill my time with. I guess I’m okay with it mainly because I’m the first one in my family to be able to afford attending college.”

“Oh man, congrats! What are you planning to major in?”

Jack, with slight annoyance at another congratulations and a feeling of uncertainty, answered slowly, “Thanks, I’m not really sure what I’m going to do yet man.”

Aiden replied, “Oh yeah? You have plenty of time to figure it out, so don’t sweat it.”

With that, Jack dismissed the conversation still in a slight state of irritation, sat in silence on his bed, without the comfort of his parent’s guiding hands. Waiting for the sun to fully set, Jack pondered the crisis he was faced with of not knowing what to do with his life. Surely, he would figure it out.

II

With the new day, Jack woke with excitement as golden light beamed through the window. Aiden was still asleep. For the next few weeks, Jack would develop a simple routine of going to class, working on homework, spending time with friends and then going back to his dorm to sleep, all the while trying to have as little conversation as possible with Aiden.

Something had rubbed him the wrong way in their earliest conversations. Jack didn’t like the feeling of uncertainty that only grew when he would hear so much about what Aiden was learning and how he would use it in his future place of work.

Jack had made some friends and spent quite a bit of time with them, although he always felt bad when they would do something because he never had the money to spare on extra activities. His parents could hardly afford sending him to university in the first place and they didn’t want him working during his first semester, so that he could focus on his grades and attendance.

In this situation, Jack still had those friends, but didn’t get to know everyone quite as well as everyone else due to those limitations. Jack faced yet another problem in terms of his introduction to these individuals. With college being a smorgasbord of different types of people, groups tend to start being formed within the first few days. Jack found himself in with three guys and two girls: Daniel, Jonny, Ruben, Sadie, and Cassidy.

Their first interactions with one another occurred during a study session for their introductory English composition course.

In going around the room, everyone took a turn to introduce themselves. Going around the room, Jack sat and unfortunately had the opportunity to speak lastly about his current situation. He heard Daniel’s plan of majoring in graphic design, Jonny had enrolled as a business major, Ruben was planning to teach English as a second language, Sadie was an English major, and Cassidy was in the psychology department. Everyone had plans, everyone had an idea of what they were at the university for. Everyone except Jack.

When it was his turn to speak about his plans, he found himself explaining, in a manner not quite true. Feeling afraid of the uncertainty that he faced, unsure that others felt the same way, he was sure that he was the only one on this path without light, he walked alone through the darkness.

He seemed to have embellished about his current state of life, “I am a communications major, ya know, I plan to do something in marketing or something like that.”

With several “wows” and an occasional “interesting,” the group continued to bond and study for the next several weeks. Although not necessarily what he had intended to do, Jack found himself finally declaring a communications major. Although whenever asked by Aiden about his current state, Jack still told him that he was not sure about what he would end up doing.

III

Having found himself as a new major in a world in which he did not belong, Jack seemed to thrive. His parents were incredibly proud of his current state of education, with well-kept grades, Jack flourished during his first semester.

Jack enjoyed this time in his life. His time was filled with the same various activities, finally, he found himself doing activities with his friends that were free, but not orthodox. For several nights, Jack had conversations with this group at the lake nearby the school that would often last until very late in the night most of the time.

One night Jack and Sadie found themselves to be the last two at the lake at around midnight. They sat side by side on a bench that overlooked the lake, the full moon reflecting a pure, white light in the crystal-colored water.

“What do you think adult life is like? College itself seems so scary and real, and when it’s all over, we’re shoved into the world,” Sadie wondered aloud.

“I don’t know. To be honest, I’m scared.”

“Me too, Jack. We’re forced into real life and have to take care of ourselves and work and all these things that we’ve only seen our parents do, and we have to figure it out ourselves.”

Jack replied, sharing the same notion, “I know, but it’s not like that, at least for us. We have each other and our other friends, we won’t have to figure it out alone.”

“Jack, what do you want to do in life?”

“I want to make money. I want to take care of my family, they’ve never been able to afford much and if I can do something in marketing or something like that, I can help them.”

“That’s not what I meant Jack. That’s very noble and it makes me proud to know that you want to help your family so much, but what are your dreams?”

“I want to make a difference; I want to write something that changes lives and changes the world.”

“Why aren’t you starting now? Why are you focusing on the money? Isn’t this the place to start pursuing your dreams? You could be taking writing classes and learn how to write better and be able to publish that thing that you eventually want to change the world with.”

“I don’t know Sadie. I don’t know if I’ll ever even have the ability to write like that. I’m not sure.”

“Well, Jack, you’ll change the world and I’ll be lucky enough to know you personally. Goodnight, Jack.”

With this farewell, Sadie kissed Jack on the cheek, and walked off, back towards her dormitory building. Jack found himself alone in the dark, left to ponder his existence and reason for living out his college days as something he was not.

IV

Jack survived the night and classes the next day having had very little sleep that previous night. Dwelling on the thoughts that pervaded his mind made it only worse. The next night would again be a sleepless night, and the next.

His impossible situation seemed to invade his mind night after night. He had to do something about the pain that he felt in not achieving what he had wanted to do for so long, but what could Jack do except accept his position for the sake of his family’s monetary needs?

His parents had pushed the point that his happiness was what they longed for, but Jack could not reconcile his happiness with their lack of provision. His dad had worked for so long in construction, never attending college like his father before him, but had been injured on the job. Unable to work, they survived off of his mother’s salary as a middle school teacher, which was not enough to sustain them for long. But they always made an effort to seek out their children’s happiness, which meant saving for nineteen years, so that Jack could attend college and have a chance at living in the manner that made him happy.

But here he was, living a lie. Jack was disguised as a communications major, but the problem weighed on his heart that he was not who he had set out to be.

Hanging with friends did not cure his problem. Even attempting to write didn’t bring any relief, writing with no education on how to write was not beneficial.

Finding himself out on the lake again with Sadie, Jack decided that he needed to talk to someone about where he found himself.

“Sadie, I don’t know what I’m doing. I can’t find joy. I can’t seem to do anything or find anything that makes me happy. There has to be more to this life than just this. There has to be something greater than just a college experience that has brought nothing but anxiety and worry, there has to be a greater purpose, but I can’t find it. I don’t know where it is.”

Sadie didn’t say anything. She sat there silently, holding Jack’s hand in a comforting manner. For the next few minutes, there was just this sort of deadening silence that surrounded them.

Sadie finally spoke, breaking the quiet between them, “Jack, I don’t know either. I don’t know what to do about that feeling, but at least we have each other, don’t we?”

“Of course, we have each other.”

For the remainder of their time sitting at the lake, the silence returned, allowing dismal thoughts to once again invade Jack’s mind.

With the arrival of the next day, Jack’s state only worsened. With the heaviness of such thoughts, Jack reacted in only digging a deeper hole into his state of being. He was no longer who he had set out to be, his identity had not been found in simply who he was, rather it was stolen from his roommate. His desires had been replaced by pragmaticism. And he could not find an answer about whether there was more to life, something transcendent, something beyond himself.

V

Mere words were unable to provide much comfort for Jack. Even sitting with Sadie at the lake felt rather boring, like Jack had grown too far detached from the good things in his life. For Jack, reality had just become disillusioned.

His parents had not heard Jack’s voice in what seemed like far too long, and a text message would not be answered for several days. Even Sadie had begun to worry as he would have some sort of excuse as to why he was unable to spend time among their friend group and the excuses were given more and more often.

Jack learned that he no longer cared about the reality which he had formed, if there was nothing greater than that which he lived (which was not his real purpose), than what was the point of excelling in such a disillusioned state?

Jack had informed Sadie of his farcical major and of how his inability to find something of value, something transcendent, had subdued his want to do anything except stay within the four walls of his safe room.

For the next week, tension among his family increased as he did not communicate with them, to the point that they reached out to Sadie concerning the state of their son’s mental health. Sadie opened up, equally concerned about Jack’s wellbeing, and informed them of Jack’s grades dropping, his recent weight loss, and his lack of motivation to do anything outside of his dormitory bedroom.

Jack was surprised when he found his parents knocking on his door. With tears resting, slowly drying on his cheeks, Jack opened the door. But in opening the door, Jack found only welcoming arms alongside his father’s soft spoken, “Let’s go home, son.”